JAMES BURN

Still nothing lost, and we're now taking a couple of weeks to re-group, tune up the machine and hopefully get a couple of new numbers into the set.

About a week after this show I got a call from Jonny saying he was thinking about leaving the band, I'd been thinking about the future for a while and it prompted me into action. The thought of replacing a guitarist and then a vocalist quick order was just too much for me to face, and besides you only get one crack of the whip and it was time to try something else.

Where did it all go wrong?
The finger can be pointed in all sorts of directions, decisions that should have been made that weren't, directions that seemed like a good idea but with hindsight were a big mistake.
For me though I guess the end started when I stumbled across a tape recorded during a rehearsal just after I joined the band. Jason had broken his arm skiing so we had a mate of Allans' from the toon standing in. What was on the tape was a great little rock 'n' roll band, no pretensions, great songs, energy and a groove, the sort of band you dream about stumbling on in a back street pub, kind of the Stones meet Sham 69. Somewhere along the road that got lost....

A last minute call from the promoter, a quick juggling of schedules and another gig slotted in.
With the short notice there was never much hope of getting a crowd down, but when has that ever stopped us before?

Soundcheck was perfunctory given Mr Burn's was tied up with work (quite literally of course....), but following the ritual visit to possibly the poorest MacDonalds in London (they were selling burgers on the cheap and trying to change orders to match what they had, if there's ever a sign of greatness in decline...) all was set for a stormer.

Alas the 25W amp which had stood up remarkably well during soundcheck was hopeless against the onslaught of Burns and von Rippentrop so I have no idea how well I played (it must have been bloody good anyway...), the set was solid with Why Don't You Come Back To Me? returned to it's old place at the start of the set, I think Jonny might finally have cottoned on to my lyrics for Beach Patrol given the look on his face, but no one has taken open offence yet...
All in all a good night despite the problems with sound, unfortunately after we finished (suspicious timing if you ask me...) Andy the old drummer from my Remote days turned up from halfway across the world. So much for an early night...

Given that 2 days prior to the gig we had possibly ther worst rehearsal in the bands history (possibly a combination of heat and lager, but who am I to cast aspertions), it was a pleasant surprise to be back at the top of our game. Talking of which Game was a stormer...

It's hard to pick highlights when all goes well, but I'd have to say It's The Law was sounding better than it had for a long time, Mystery Man quickly locked into a killer groove despite a truncated opening, the aforementioned Game resumed it's instant classic status (despite managing to lose my plectrum halfway through and having to resort to finger stylee) and of coursing Going Down really did have the crowd going mental.

Most telling of all, the crowd stayed throughout, despite lacking 6 of the assets of Toxic Slut... Roll on the next one...

Well, well. It looked like this was going to be one of the worst gigs ever. Considering Thursdays rehearsal was absolutely horrible.

The heat and the flow of alcohol in the room, it just wasn't happening. This with a gig in 2 days....

Me nervous?? Hell yeah...

Anyway, the gig itself was a blinder. Went really well, loads of people there to witness Marty shred the place. (He did break the railing! Although I'm sure it wasn't deliberate)

We had a few minor glitches, nothing tooooooooo bad. Jonny was his usual great self. Paul, swimming in beer, was steady (mostly!) I reckon the spilt beverage knocked him out of his stride a little. Alcohol loss can be brutal. Never mind body fluids...

All round a sterling performance I thought.. Bravo chaps...

Now here's the weird bit.... There's this girl right. She was absolutely stunning. And that was BEFORE the PVC hotpants!!!! The latter dresscode only enhanced things.... Alas, however, I didn't get her name or number.... Pity really.. Oh did I mention, she plays guitar too!! Perfect....

Anyway... I digress..

Thanks to : Jonny, Paul and Marty for letting me be in your band. The other bands on the night for putting on a great show. The punters for hanging about.

Special thanks : The guitarist girl for, well, um, nothing really. Yet!!!!

Remember : "Bow down to the Rocktagon"

The set was notable for including a number of the new songs, the sound was fine (onstage anyway) and it should have been a belter. For me however it just didn't quite catch alight as I felt it should have, we had all the right ingredients for a storming show and came away with just a "very good" one. Still it can't be the California Jam every night I guess.

The band played well overall and we are now in the delightful position of having to pick and choose only the best rock gems for our sets.

Next mission, re-take the 12 Bar and this time No Prisoners!!

Arriving at the venue at half 10 things looked grim, with only the other bands in attendance. However saved by a miracle of licensing arrangements (tipping out time upstairs), a colourful assortment of local characters were on hand to witness rock'n'roll history, ie the world premiere of our new Opus "Dodgy Semolina" a cautionary tale of school dinners and associated delinquency.

Once again we managed to make the best of the situation at hand, and burn the proverbial Reichstag.

Bizarre how a decent sound guy with a couple of mics and a bit of feedback on amp levels can do a better job than someone with thousands of pounds worth of mics, effects and mixers, but Clay's the man...

The venue has the potential to be a great little rock 'n' roll club, but alas word has yet to get out so we were lucky to get the over spill down for the late bar.

In the end it was a workman like performance, we all played well, Dodgy Semolina got it's world debut, but the spark of energy just never came, probably from the sheer exhaustion of the night before.

Next stop Upstairs at The Garage, scene of another legendary performance...

As we were headlining we had the dubious honour of supplying the drum kit for all 5 bands... Getting it from Romford to the venue starting from Stevenage by 5:30pm was always going to be a tall order, as it turned out a tall order too far, they rolled in about 6:30 (cheers Si!) much to the other bands and promoters relief.
Then to add to the insult of being expected to supply the drum kit we were denied a soundcheck because we were late... How anyone can seriously expect a band holding down day jobs to get a drum kit to central London by 5:30pm in the middle of the week is beyond me.

James (justifiably imho) then began muttering about just cutting our loses, taking the drum kit and getting the hell out. It would have been funny to see the look on the sound guys face but following a heated band 'discussion' it was decided that we were there and were going to play the show come hell or high water...

Following a run in with a smug arsehole in the pub and my blood was up...

Well several pints later 11:30 rolled up and we finally made it to the stage and well, the band exploded...

The sound was appalling, bouncing off the walls in every direction all chance of subtlty gone, the result being the most brutal vicious set we've ever played, the crowd loved it! I held on for dear life as James upped the pace of everything to lightening speed, beating them back with the double bass drum assault.

In the end our friend the soundman called an end to procedings, to bruised and beaten to try and make sense of the sonic asault we'd unleashed.

I left shell shocked and confused, honestly unsure of just what we'd achieved, as it sinks in it seems more and more like we played the show of our lives.

The band barely on speaking terms after a vicious set-list "discussion" brutally dispatched each song with venom and distaste, whipping the capacity crowd into a frenzy.

Not a dry seat left in the house

All credit to Si though. He rumbled in at half 6, no-one knows what he had to go through. Honestly, roadies aren't appreciated like they should be.

So when I finally get there, London public transport permitting, the kit's set up and some other lot are doing a sound check. Odd that. It would appear that we've been denied one. On saying that, the sound as it was on the night, I don't think it would have made any difference. We'd do the usual. Get on, play loud, play hard, go home.... Simple really...

All we can do now is kill about 5 hours. We chose to do so in probably the worst place possible, funky R+B tunes are not my scene. After a couple of hours of that I was gagging for some Noisy, stinky, rock 'n roll.. Back to Clockwork then...

Well, to cut a long story short we made the stage eventually... I was still setting up and the band had started playing allready, trying to hold onto the few punters left. (Remember, this was a Thursday, trains only run for so long!)

And then we were off....... I have never, and I mean never, played this loud hard and fast. Jonny asking me to tone it down? Unbelievable... Funniest thing though, I couldn't.. The more I tried to slow it down the more I hammered away at 200 miles anhour. Don't get me wrong, we played brilliantly, just really quick. Really brutal. Just enough chaos to keep us happy.

And no sooner had we started then it was finished. THe sound guy told us to pack up shop. All that waiting around to be told to cut it short.. Nasty. So, a quick 2 for 1 job and we're done. All good for a nights work.

It would appear that the few people loitering enjoyed it, maybe next time we'll slow it down a bit and have a bit more time to play with. We'll see.. Roll on Greenwich.

Thanks to : Jonny, Paul and Marty for letting me be in your band. British Beef for hanging around to enjoy it.

Special thanks : Si, for moving mountains as usual. Nuff said.

Remember : "Bow down to the Rocktagon"

Playrooms was a new venue for us, a search on the web turned up lots of pictures of folk acts and little sign of loud rock 'n' roll bands, still they'd heard the last EP so they must have known what they were letting themselves in for...

Having found the place it's a decent sized downsairs bar, nice stage, decided to DI the bass rather than lugging my amp halfway across London and back. Sorted.

Then the first problem of the evening, of a lineup of 4 acts only 2 actually bothered to turn up. Ourselves and singer/songwriter Ross Martin. Not two acts I'd have put together... A second singer songwriter was luckily located and we were given the option of playing an elongated set.

The girl who was first up (sorry can't remember her name) on spec, the best music is that that walks the line between disaster and spectacular success and she delivered that in spades. On an unfamiliar guitar with no preparation she her voice occassionally soaring and occassionally crashing out, riveting.
Next up was Ross Martin, playing a good solid set of songs with just acoustic guitar and voice. Definitely worth catching if you get chance. During his set, it became very apparent that Marty really had been drinking solidly for 5 or 6 hours...

10:30 pm and time to hit the stage, to a virtually empty room... Two people sat in a booth at the back and the 2 acoustic acts (and one friend) sat at the back. Oh well, time for some rock 'n' roll...

Then miracle of miracles at the sound of some live electric music people started making there way down... A young very pissed up crowd, absolutely perfect! Marty threw himself around with abandon and a good solid set was delivered with just the right amount of chaos.

The highlight had to be the entry to the set of a streamlined Beach Patrol, following a quick re-fit to the middle 8 it's finally there and staying in the set. Well that and the audience pogoing around for most of the set.

One of the guys in the audience was definitely waving a camera around, it'd be great to see some of the photos...

Will this crazy ride to rock n roll excess and superstar luxury never end?

But don't forget kids, eating is cheating so always remember, after food redouble your alcohol intake to compensate.

The Playrooms is a good sized venue and to fill it would be an excellent thing. But when time did come to play we were staring down the barrel of a rather sparsely attended show.

We were saved however by a bunch of teenagers who came down and started bouncing around. I tried to enhance this effect by moving some furniture about at high speed as the hit's just kept on coming.

The newly rebuilt Beach Patrol a defintite highlight of a brutal set.

So the 2005 Spring Manouevres off to a blistering start, roll on the purple turtle.

Due to recording commitments we opted to go on first rather than disappear into a late night oblivion of rock 'n' roll and alchol.
I really don't know what it is about the 12 Bar, everything is stacked against it, it shouldn't work as a rock 'n' roll venue, there's barely room to move on stage, and yet it's probably my favourite venue we've played with the 45s and it's always a good gig.

This time was no exception, of all the shows we've played in the winter tour I think this was the best... The band were relaxed, James managed to swap the nice 8 inch cymbol he'd soundchecked with for some 20 inch monstrosity, thus removing all hope I had of moving anywhere on stage (just staying on there was going to be effort enough).

The set itself was solid, fluid and rockin', a monster version of Mystery Man and a crackin Why Don't You Come Back to Me? being highlights before James decided to bring the whole thing to a close 8 bars early? (the audience were hopefully none the wiser)

P.S. This was the 40th 45s gig...

Highlights for me included disconnected Jonny's guitar with my out of control dance moves and then taking out von Paulus in the same fashion next song.

James Burn got me back though, hanging me out to dry at the end of the set, stopping Going Down just as I was in full Satanic mode. Nevermind nothign less than I deserved and goes to show that aprt from the sound on stage (ie it's really weird and hard to hear) this is a great place to play.

We kicked so much ass no one will be sitting down for a week.

93 Feet East is a fantastic venue, big, roomy a decent PA, a soundman who knows what he's doing (cheers Neil) and even a decent dressing room, this is what rock 'n' roll is all about (shame someone forgot the large bag of drugs and the groupies, but hey you can't have it all).

As ever the kit turned up late so no chance of a soundcheck, but for once I'd bought my own bass amp so no worries there.

The Phugs were first up, it's been said before, but they really are getting tighter and tighter every gig.

Then we were up, for a Monday night there was a pretty decent crowd in (see free entry does work as they'll have made a lot more on the bar...). The sealed orders came courtesy of James this time, who through a curved ball straight off by putting Cherry Clean at the head of the set, it hasn't been there for a while but certainly works.
We then proceeded to tear through the rest of the set, Marty demolishing yet another mic stand in the process, Jonny making it through yet another gig all six strings in tact (I reckon he's getting old and slowing down).

In the hands of James Burn we blasted through the hits to a crowd of around 50 punters, which I thought was good for a Monday. A vindication perhaps of Paul's theory that the only shows worth playing on Monday are free shows.

Anyhow as a band we're getting dangerously used to playing live and his run of shows has proved a rather excellent start to 2005.

Still aching from the Purple Turtle gig I got to Dean St nice and early and settle into The Bath House for a couple of restorative pints, peace was shattered a good 30 minutes before the soundcheck was due by a phone call from James.
He'd been into the venue and reckoned it was unplayable and there was already near chaos with a band abusing people on the street.
7:30pm we head down into the venue to survey the carnage. The venue itself isn't quite as bad as James claimed, then he hasn't played the 12 Bar yet or some of the venues we played in the early days. OK, so the drummer was hidden behind the corner and the only way the audience can stand infront of the band is to stand in their face, but hey this is rock 'n' roll.
Anyhow, the venue was going to be the least of the problems...

It turned out the band who had been abusing people in the street had travelled 150 miles down from the Midlands on the expectation of a top London show, to find a small basement with little hope of a crowd and as yet no sign of the promoter...

Understandably they were more than a little pissed off, and having spent most of journey drinking were starting to get pretty pissed up. Prior to the gig the promoter had flattly refused to give out contact details between the bands which meant that all kit sharing negotiations had to go through him, it didn't work...The guys from the midlands had bought all the amps and now wanted to go on first and get out of there ASAP

Somewhere about this point Longshot did the sensible thing and walked out (see http://www.longshotonline.co.uk/ for their version of events). Tom and the guys I admire you for doing it, but the show must go on...

Around an hour late the promoter finally showed his face together with the drum kit, the guys from the midlands were all over the poor bastard, but then it was entriely self inflicted. At this point I made the only sensible decision... drink and ignore the problem, it'll either go away or I'll fall to the floor.

The guys from headliners Rising Times were cool about the whole thing, we agreed to share the one guitar amp, DI the bass and let the midlands guys get out of the place before violence errupted.

Well, it appears the midlands hardcore scene, is alive and extremely well funded as the boys let rip with nu-metal marshall stacks, radio mics and a machine enhanced rhythm section. Two songs in, myself and Marty made the only sensible decision and retired back to the Bath House leaving Jonny to fetch us when the time came...

A couple of pints later and it was finally time to play some rock 'n' roll!

By this point I was probably about 7 pints down so the only thing to do was to dive into a raw punk rock set.
James wasn't looking to happy trying to keep the drumkit together for most of the set, I just cranked on some extra distortion and blasted through the songs.

So in the end it was a rip roaring punk rock show, with no gimmicks like bass amps and soundchecks we delivered...

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POSTSCRIPT

Everyone is in the game together, so I don't like doing this, but it's only fair to warm any other bands away from VIP's Rock at The Push Club or any other venue. The guy does not know what he's doing so if you do get involved with him be very careful, make sure you've got your kit sorted yourself and be prepared to smell the breath of the punters.

Perhaps unsurprisingly after this dramatic opening ceremony these lists were largley ignored by the band. Still the set was loud and dirty, ending with another top version of "You're Going Down" a song which is really finding it's feet these days.

Paul "14 pints" Mardling, played a top set as did Jonny "Christ my fucking head hurts" Gardiner, who batteled through a migraine to rock out in major style. James Burn, perhaps out of sight but not out of mind, sited as he was, around the corner, down the alleyway, through the toilets and across the street, also contributed a typically brutal display of drumming power.

Also despite the chaos I liked the venue, if you're ever in Soho looking for a late night drinking hovel, you could do worse than visit the Push Club.

But then again I'm only saying that cos the bartender gave me a free beer after the show, MY FIRST FREEBIE! Hurrah